Welcome to A Double Dos Roller Coaster

We had had a bit of a rough week but had overcome it and ended the day with big smiles.  The next day was a bit of a quiet day, as he was pretty busy at work.  No matter how busy he was though he knew after the rough week we'd had it was important for us to stay connected.  So we chatted a bit throughout the day and he called on his way home just to hear my voice.  To the best of my knowledge we'd be heading into the weekend on a good note and I was happy.

My life is so stinkin complicated.....but I was happy.  He is my best friend, he is my steady rock, he is my lover.  For the purposes of this blog, we will call him my Prince Charming (PC).  And he really is.  He is incredible.  I won't bore you with all of that now - but you'll see if you stay with me.

I had no idea that when I went home happy on Thursday night and he went home happy on Thursday night that his world (and subsequently mine) would be forever changed.  See as perfect as he is for me...as close as we are...as much as we love each other....he is not really mine.  And Thursday night his wife discovered a text from me and went insane. 

Friday morning when PC got to work and logged onto IM he painted a picture of a nightmarish night for him.  His wife took a hammer to his cell phone, as well as his Kindle.  She was so mad she even hit him (ok not with the hammer but no doubt she thought about it).

My heart was broken.  He was so upset.  So distraught.  I would have given anything to take that away from him.  What hurt me the most was knowing that his pain was in part, my fault.  He won't hear of me blaming myself for this....but I do.

We only talked a few minutes that morning...a few excruciating minutes before he had to go and deal with the stuff at home.

That same day I filed for divorce.  Something that had been coming for awhile.  I've been separated since the summer.  Still....the act of actually filing was painful.  My soon to be exhusband (we'll call him X) is a good man and I do wish we had gone a different path.

The weekend was tourturous for me.  Not hearing from PC.  Not knowing how he was....what was going on.

Monday and Tuesday were more of the same.  But add to Monday that I was given some bad news regarding one of my kids and add to Tuesday that one of my other kids got in a lot of trouble.

Wednesday rolls around and I find out that PC has been tested positive for H1N1 flu.

That's when I decided that one dose of my Prozac is simply not going to be enough for me.  I need something more.  I need a place to vent, to get this stuff off my chest, whine, bitch, cry, and hopefully share my excitement as things get better.  Because they have to get better don't they? 

So join me on my roller coaster ride........

xxx
DD