Wednesday, August 18, 2010

HNT - Bruised

I've really been struggling heart is bruised.  There's lots that goes into that.  Some things I can control.  Other things I cannot.
PC's been ridiculously patient with me.....which I can't explain at all except that he must love me.

A big part of my struggle has been feeling alone.... feeling insecure.... feeling like I having nothing grounding me to reality.

This picture is not super recent..... but I love it because it reminds me of how easy it is to reverse all of that.

How easy it is to feel like I am his....I am owned......and loved......and desired.....

Often I want to be held and petted and kissed and cooed makes me feel loved and taken care of and tiny.

But when PC takes me.....possesses me.......marks me as his......I am at peace.

I need more of this.....especially when I'm struggling.....

That's when I most need to have the control and decisions taken away from me.

When my heart is bruised.....bruising my body is a great first step in healing my heart.



Wednesday, August 11, 2010

HNT - Neck

Is it really Thursday already?  Dang!!!!

I have never given much thought to my neck.  But my PC sure does. 

His lips quickly and effortlessly find it each time I see him
In a moment of passion his teeth will nip at the tender skin
In a moment of possession his hand will grip it

I've never thought much about my neck.......but I get weak in the knees when my man shows it some attention.

Happy HNT yall!  Go see who else is playing at Osbasso's site.


Thursday, August 5, 2010

HNT - From the Past

So Tuesday turned out to be not quite as awful as I'd thought it was going to be.

My PC went, it seems, out of his way to see to it.  I got to spend a very fast 30 minutes with him, in which I got exactly what I wanted and am still slightly sore from it.  Then I got about 2 hours on the phone with him, which is a VERY rare thing in the last 5 months.

He's out of town now with no cell service I presume.  And even if he has cell service, it wouldn't seem right for him to stop in the middle of his fishing trip to check on me.  He deserves some time away for just him.  And I hope he is enjoying it immensely!

My HNT pic today is the first pic my PC ever saw of me.  I will forever love this picture because it is what caused  him to contact me the first time and started the most beautiful of relationships!  It's not always an easy relationship, but I have never been more sure that I belong with someone.

Happy HNT Yall!  Go check in with the King of HNT and see who else is playing today.


Monday, August 2, 2010


Feeling a bit down today
All weekend actually
This is a hard week of the year for me.

Tomorrow it will have been 11 years, and when I allow myself to relive those moments in my mind, it feels like it happened yesterday.

My heart beats too fast
I can feel the adreneline pumping through my veins
My eyes tear up before I even realize it

Walking through the door and hearing the words
Crumbling to the floor in a mess of sobs
Packing my bag without really knowing what I'm putting in it
Driving through the night
Walking into the too brightly lit hospital
Later walking into the too dark and too quiet house
Somehow fumbling through the worst week of my life

My heart still aches
Even 11 years later

And this year I add the additional pain
Of PC's wedding anniversary falling on the same day
It seems harder this year than last year for sure

So a sad
down week
for me