Finally Feeling Heard

Several of you have been very angry on my behalf.  I have been too hurt to be angry.

Until last Friday.  I got very angry.  I spent a good part of the weekend talking to k and figuring out what I needed to do about this anger.  It was going to eat me alive if I didn't do something about it.

PC knows me pretty well.  Ok...he knows me very well.  Sometimes better than I know myself.  He knew I was upset.  To his credit he skipped his Starbucks and book Monday morning and came straight to work so we could talk.

It is normally in my nature to keep things to myself.  I don't express my hurt or anger.  I push it down.  But because #1 I feel like I will lose everything if I don't speak up; #2 PC has encouraged me to say everything - he wants to hear it; and #3 k has really encouraged me to stand up for myself - I spoke up.

I told him everything.  I told him the reasons I was angry.  I told him how I was hurt.  I told him I felt like I was unimportant, like an afterthought.  I told him I was scared to trust him.  I told him all of my fears and anxieties.

And do you know what he did?

He heard me.  For the first time in all of this I really felt heard and understood and loved.

Nothing with his situation has changed.  I still do not agree with how he is handling a lot of things.  But it is incredible what just feeling like he hears me and cares does for me.

I feel like he is truly making an effort to show me he loves me.  We talked about how love is more than saying the words. (I heard somewhere one time - or one hundred - that Love is an Action Word)  He agreed that his actions didn't match his words.  He promised to do a better job of making his love for me into action.

So I feel like we are in a better place.  I spent 2 hours in his arms this afternoon.  There aren't words to express how wonderful that was or how much I needed that.

There will be "down" times I have no doubt.  But today I am enjoying the "up" and keeping it in perspective.

xxx,
DD