Friday, April 16, 2010

One Step Forward....Two Steps Back

It all happens so fast I can't keep this blog updated with all of it.


My heart gets shattered and he heals it. Then it gets stepped on and he picks it up and dusts it off. And on and on and on.....

His story is not for me to share with you here. This is about my story.

And today in my story, I am angry. I am hurt. I am sad. I feel unloved and unappreciated. I feel unimportant. I feel used.

Ya know what? If I told him all of that he'd apologize and try to make it up to me. But I don't want him to make it up to me.

I want things to be the way they used to be when I could count on him.

I want.......fuck I don't know..........I just know I'm so hurt and so exhausted that I don't want THIS. Whatever THIS is.....I don't want it anymore.

It is one step forward and two steps back....you don't get very far like that.

xxx,
DD

3 comments:

  1. hi DD.
    I just wanted to say that, although i KNOW that you love this man... you can't trust him - he's married. He may love you - but you can't trust him. Like you said, he wants it all.

    I've (sort of) been in your position. Really, you need your space from him, to let him do what he needs to do, so that you can do what you need to do - heal from this man who is causing YOU so much hurt. You also need to clear your head. For your own well-being you need to stop talking to this person.

    Sometimes we try to rationalize love but I believe it's just not possible sometimes. We feel what we feel. But you cannot let him rationalize his selfishness. He really can't have it all.
    Take Care.

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  2. And shots. Deep breath, and shots.
    XX

    ReplyDelete