HNT - Bathtime



I love bath time.  I have such a great view of the city (you can't tell but the sky line of my city is right out that window).  I often wonder if anyone tried, if they could see me.......

Happy HNT - Go share the love at Osbasso's place

HNT - Thighs

I have meant to post here a hundred times in the last couple of weeks and time just seems to get away from me.

I spent a very lovely Tuesday with my PC.  Several hours of him in my bed was just what the doctor ordered.

This is from my phone so isn't the greatest quality photo...but definitely gives you an idea of the bruises he left on me.



My legs hurt so bad.  As does my ass.  But that white shirt I'm wearing.....smells like him.....and that's a little piece of heaven.

Our relationship continues to be pieces of ups and downs and ups and downs.  I'm still convinced that I'm happier and better off on this roller coaster than off of it.  So I stay on and live for the ups.

Happy HNT y'all!  Go see who else is playing over at Osbasso's place.

HNT - Veggies

My PC requested a I shoot him a private video staring me...and this.......

I never let him down!

Go see Osbasso to see who else is getting nekkid this week!

Happy HNT yall!
xxx,
DD

HNT - Bruised

I've really been struggling lately....my heart is bruised.  There's lots that goes into that.  Some things I can control.  Other things I cannot.
PC's been ridiculously patient with me.....which I can't explain at all except that he must love me.

A big part of my struggle has been feeling alone.... feeling insecure.... feeling like I having nothing grounding me to reality.

This picture is not super recent..... but I love it because it reminds me of how easy it is to reverse all of that.

How easy it is to feel like I am his....I am owned......and loved......and desired.....

Often I want to be held and petted and kissed and cooed to.....it makes me feel loved and taken care of and tiny.

But when PC takes me.....possesses me.......marks me as his......I am at peace.

I need more of this.....especially when I'm struggling.....

That's when I most need to have the control and decisions taken away from me.

When my heart is bruised.....bruising my body is a great first step in healing my heart.

Sigh...............

xxx,
DD

HNT - Neck

Is it really Thursday already?  Dang!!!!

I have never given much thought to my neck.  But my PC sure does. 

His lips quickly and effortlessly find it each time I see him
In a moment of passion his teeth will nip at the tender skin
In a moment of possession his hand will grip it

I've never thought much about my neck.......but I get weak in the knees when my man shows it some attention.

Happy HNT yall!  Go see who else is playing at Osbasso's site.

xxx,
DD

HNT - From the Past

So Tuesday turned out to be not quite as awful as I'd thought it was going to be.

My PC went, it seems, out of his way to see to it.  I got to spend a very fast 30 minutes with him, in which I got exactly what I wanted and am still slightly sore from it.  Then I got about 2 hours on the phone with him, which is a VERY rare thing in the last 5 months.

He's out of town now with no cell service I presume.  And even if he has cell service, it wouldn't seem right for him to stop in the middle of his fishing trip to check on me.  He deserves some time away for just him.  And I hope he is enjoying it immensely!

My HNT pic today is the first pic my PC ever saw of me.  I will forever love this picture because it is what caused  him to contact me the first time and started the most beautiful of relationships!  It's not always an easy relationship, but I have never been more sure that I belong with someone.

Happy HNT Yall!  Go check in with the King of HNT and see who else is playing today.

xxx.
DD

Down

Feeling a bit down today
All weekend actually
This is a hard week of the year for me.

Tomorrow it will have been 11 years, and when I allow myself to relive those moments in my mind, it feels like it happened yesterday.

My heart beats too fast
I can feel the adreneline pumping through my veins
My eyes tear up before I even realize it

Walking through the door and hearing the words
Crumbling to the floor in a mess of sobs
Packing my bag without really knowing what I'm putting in it
Driving through the night
Walking into the too brightly lit hospital
Later walking into the too dark and too quiet house
Somehow fumbling through the worst week of my life

My heart still aches
Even 11 years later

And this year I add the additional pain
Of PC's wedding anniversary falling on the same day
It seems harder this year than last year for sure

So a sad
quiet
mellow
down week
for me

xxx,
DD

Interesting Twist

PC and I have talked for a long time now about trying something new.  I have more and more begun to want to have an experience with another girl.  But I want my PC there with me.  I think neither of us are 100% clear on exactly how much he will participate, except that it will all be my decision. 

I want to play with another girls tits.  I want my tits to be played with by a girl.  I want to lick her pussy and suck on her clit while my PC fucks me.  I want to kiss the soft warm mouth of a girl.  I want to kiss my PC while he plays with my tits and she licks my pussy.

I've always been a little unsure.

I'm sure now.  So we are working towards making that happen.

There's only one teeny tiny reservation I have.  I plan to work through that and then we are set! 

Advice?  Suggestions?  Here I go!!!!!!!!!

xxx,
DD

HNT Outdoors

There's really nothing quite like the sun on your bare skin.

Happy HNT Lovelies!

Go share the love at Osbasso's Place

HNT - Vacation is Over

Vacation is over.

It was truly amazing!  I spent 4 days with my PC at this lovely resort.

It was the most relaxing place ever and he saw to it that I was very well taken care of.  I feel very spoiled and loved and I hated to come home.

This week my girls and I decided that we'd all do HNT photos of............the girls.  Mine are much more tan (and slightly red) than they were a week ago.  And have had more attention in the last week than I could have ever hoped for.  :)

This is them on the way home.

Happy HNT y'all.

xxx,
DD

All Tied Up at the Moment

I know I'm supposed to do HNT......and I want to.....but my mind is on all kinds of other things. (See previous post!)

Hoping this satisfies for now........

Our theme this week is......toes

Happy HNT guys!

xxx,
DD

My Va-jay-jay is Going International

That's right. 

Tomorrow I'm having my very first ever Brazillian Wax.

I'm nervous and excited all at the same time!

Wish me and my naughty bits good luck!

xxx,
DD

So Glad He's Back

My PC is back in town for a few days.  He leaves again on Thursday.  But yesterday we got to spend a little time together.

We spent the first hour or so reaquainting ourselves with each others' bodies.  Loving and tender and loving......followed by demanding and needy and lustful.

After he helped me clean the cum off my face and chest we talked for awhile - catching up a bit.

He mentioned in passing a trip he may be planning - with his wife and some friends, but without his kids.  In the 2 1/2 years we've been together he hasn't done that.  And I'm not sure what to make of it.  For now I have said to him that I don't like it but I'm not ready to talk about it.

We leave in 6 days for our own vacation.  We'll have plenty of time to talk then.

For now....I'm just so glad he's home for a bit.

xxx,
DD

Baring All Again

Too much has happened since I wrote here last and I don't feel like filling in all of the blanks.  I'd rather just start where I am now.

But I feel the need to bare my heart, soul, and thoughts somewhere.

PC has been on vacation with his family all week.  That makes for a very hard week for me.  He's been great though and has stayed in touch as best as he can.  Including 2 nights in a row having more than a 2 hour conversation before falling asleep.  I'm glad for that.  And still hate that he's on vacation with them.

He is STILL on vacation next week.  Just in a different place.

But then....
I'm meeting him at the airport when he flies in from family vacation and we are headed on our own vacation!

THAT I CAN'T WAIT FOR

4 full days of just me and him

We need this.
I need this.

Ok what else is going on..........
 ~ I've been spending a lot of time with some girlfriends online - I'm damn lucky!
 ~ I'm about to have my first brazillian wax - I'm excited and terrified all at once
 ~ It was exactly one year ago that I moved out.  No divorce yet - but in the next month or so it will be finished.
 ~ I want to have sex with a girl

Ok I'm done.  This is a pretty decent start back I think.  Not that anyone is reading anymore.  But I want to have some of this in writing for ME.

xxx,
DD

Blowing Away the Cobwebs

I've retyped this first line at least 10 times. It feels weird to be back here.

I have 3 very lovely and sexy girlfriends and the 4 of us decided that it was time to bring sexy back HNT style. It's amazing how easy it is to forget that we are beautiful and sexy and that any man would be lucky to have us.

So with that said.... I'm blowing away the cobwebs here at A Double Dos

Lips can be so sexy....
I have a tendency to bite mine when I'm nervous...or intense. 
And I love when PC bites them when he's kissing me....or sucks them into his.
I love that they can bring much pleasure.
Yes....lips can be so sexy.

Especially the lips of these three girls.

Happy HNT!  I hope you have a day of sexy! 

Be sure to check out the other sexy bloggers at http://osbasso.blogspot.com/

XXX,
DD

Finally Feeling Heard

Several of you have been very angry on my behalf.  I have been too hurt to be angry.

Until last Friday.  I got very angry.  I spent a good part of the weekend talking to k and figuring out what I needed to do about this anger.  It was going to eat me alive if I didn't do something about it.

PC knows me pretty well.  Ok...he knows me very well.  Sometimes better than I know myself.  He knew I was upset.  To his credit he skipped his Starbucks and book Monday morning and came straight to work so we could talk.

It is normally in my nature to keep things to myself.  I don't express my hurt or anger.  I push it down.  But because #1 I feel like I will lose everything if I don't speak up; #2 PC has encouraged me to say everything - he wants to hear it; and #3 k has really encouraged me to stand up for myself - I spoke up.

I told him everything.  I told him the reasons I was angry.  I told him how I was hurt.  I told him I felt like I was unimportant, like an afterthought.  I told him I was scared to trust him.  I told him all of my fears and anxieties.

And do you know what he did?

He heard me.  For the first time in all of this I really felt heard and understood and loved.

Nothing with his situation has changed.  I still do not agree with how he is handling a lot of things.  But it is incredible what just feeling like he hears me and cares does for me.

I feel like he is truly making an effort to show me he loves me.  We talked about how love is more than saying the words. (I heard somewhere one time - or one hundred - that Love is an Action Word)  He agreed that his actions didn't match his words.  He promised to do a better job of making his love for me into action.

So I feel like we are in a better place.  I spent 2 hours in his arms this afternoon.  There aren't words to express how wonderful that was or how much I needed that.

There will be "down" times I have no doubt.  But today I am enjoying the "up" and keeping it in perspective.

xxx,
DD

One Step Forward....Two Steps Back

It all happens so fast I can't keep this blog updated with all of it.


My heart gets shattered and he heals it. Then it gets stepped on and he picks it up and dusts it off. And on and on and on.....

His story is not for me to share with you here. This is about my story.

And today in my story, I am angry. I am hurt. I am sad. I feel unloved and unappreciated. I feel unimportant. I feel used.

Ya know what? If I told him all of that he'd apologize and try to make it up to me. But I don't want him to make it up to me.

I want things to be the way they used to be when I could count on him.

I want.......fuck I don't know..........I just know I'm so hurt and so exhausted that I don't want THIS. Whatever THIS is.....I don't want it anymore.

It is one step forward and two steps back....you don't get very far like that.

xxx,
DD

Reunited

I had the day off yesterday. So early in the week he suggested maybe we could have lunch and talk some more on Friday.


He came to my house. We were sitting on opposite sides of the room just talking. He came over to me and kissed me. I just melt when he kisses me. I can't even think straight anymore when he does that. The whole world disappears.....it is just me and him.

I wanted this. I wanted us to just go back to being us. There are a lot of complicated parts to us - but back to normal is what we know - it is what we can handle, what we can deal with.

What I did NOT want was to think we were okay only to have him go back next week to saying that we can't be us anymore. So I stopped him.....ok sorta stopped him. His hands were still busy and our faces were less than an inch apart, but I did ask him to please not do this if he was going to go back to this not being okay tomorrow or next week.

He said he was sure he wanted this but if I didn't then we could stop. Um....hello......

We didn't stop.

I can't say that the hard stuff is over - but I am sure that he loves me.....and I love him.

I have immense respect for him. I know that it is so hard to work on a marriage with someone who blames you for everything. I've been there. But he has to give it another shot or he will not be able to look himself in the mirror and be proud of who he is.

Bottom line is.......I love him and I want him to be happy. He needs to do this. I am just so happy that he still wants me.

xxx,
DD

Fighting Not To Lose Him

Boy has it been a long long week! Feels like MUCH more than a week has passed.


I really don't even know where to begin. PC is confused. He wants - like so many of us - to have it all. He wants to work on his marriage. He wants to have me. He wants all of that to just work smoothly and fluidly together.

Right now it isn't. For either of us. We have had some really good conversations though. Where I am usually a person who keeps my own thoughts to myself in order to let him have what he wants....I couldn't do that anymore. My heart hurt too badly. I was already losing everything, I figured I couldn't possibly make things any worse.

And so I said what I thought. And how I felt. And what I believed to be true. I challenged him on some of the things he told me. I fought for him.  I fought for US.

Did I win?

I don't know yet. But at least I haven't lost completely.

I still can't believe I said some of the things I said to him. Gosh I was brazen....who do I think I am? Sheesh!

There simply aren't words for how much I love and respect this man. I can't lose him.
 
xxx,
DD

Even a Double Dose Isn't Enough Today

Do you remember the promise he asked me to make?  The one about not letting myself assume the worst?

HA!

I don't have a lot to say today.  This picture sums up may day pretty well.

He wants to remain friends, but says we can't be lovers anymore.  He has to remain faithful to his wife.

I'm sure I'll have plenty to say about that soon. 

But today...... 

Today I miss the ability to lose myself in images of us on that sailboat. 

Today I feel like my heart has been ripped out and set on fire.

Today I am sick at my stomach and can't even begin to get the tears to stop.

Today I'm kicking myself for believing in US.

DD